Truth Vs Discouragement

 

Honesty, officially called as the best policy. Of course, it is the best ever policy. Being honest with ourselves and everyone else strengthens our will power and therefore our self respect. There is an old saying: 

"If you speak truth, then you don't need to remember anything."

- Unknown

But here is a question: How often you speak the truth and hurt the other person?. Many times we do. We say such things to the other person which according to us is a truth but lowers the self worth of that person. And lowering someone's self worth is the worst thing we can do that to that person.

When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.

- Dale Carnegie

May be it's a truth according to you but not according to that person. You think that he/she is not good enough. But that person doesn't think like this. And the truth you think is truth could be a lie to that person. We all have different opinions and that's one of the best quality of human beings. We think differently which resulted in new inventions throughout the history. 

So whenever you're going to say something to other person( which is a truth according to you) and you think it may effect their feelings in any way, make sure you pass this "Three Gates Test" by Lord Budhha which includes three questions:

First, are these words really truthful?

Second, are these words necessary?

Third, are these words kind?

If your words pass through all the three gates, say them.

I am not saying to not speak the truth. I am just saying to speak the truth in a way that doesn't lower someone's self worth. Many people say such things to the other person that effect their feelings badly and then defend themselves by saying " we were just being truthful". 

I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.

- Antonine de Saint- Exupery (French author)

Sometimes the other person put real efforts in something and then if he/she doesn't get a little appreciation for his/her efforts, that person stops doing the thing.

Always speak the truth but in a way that doesn't lower someone's self worth. Give them honest reviews in a following manner:

First, appreciate them for the efforts they made.

Second, tell them your opinion and also tell them that these are just your opinions which might be wrong.

Third, encourage the person to keep going (so that he/she doesn't give up).

Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

- Dale Carnegie

Honest reviews are important. So do not lie or sugarcoat someone. You might be unaware of this but when we sugar coat or flatter someone, they understand. Everybody knows the difference between a real appreciation and flattering. Now read this:

"If you tell people they are wrong, do you make them want to agree with you? Never! For you have struck a direct blow at their intelligence, judgement, pride and self-respect. That will make them want to strike back. But will never make them want to change their minds. You may then hurl at them all the logic of a Plato or ah Immanuel Kant, but you will not alter their opinions, for you have hurt their feelings."

- Dale Carnegie

Thank You for reading.